September Ramblings from The Fractured Light

Last month was definitely a month filled with writer's blocks and creative fear. I started exploring options to grow my blog and accidentally fell into jealousy when I saw beautiful blogs with gigantic followings. To be honest, I felt intimidated. I never set out to blog to gain a huge audience (since I write about something so specific), but I'll admit to feeling the twinge of envy.

Now that I've sat with those feelings, journaled about it, and explored it, I've realized that this is just motivation to keep writing. Write consistently. Write about what I love. Write about things that you, the reader, want to read about. 

And P.S. if you ever want to suggest something related for me to write about, you can always contact me at fiona@thefracturedlight.com and I'll check it out.

In my personal world

My medication has been inducing nightly panic attacks that last from 4pm-whenever I go to bed (usually 7:30pm or 8pm, with how unbearable it is). I have paralyzing fear whenever I take my medication, because I know what's going to happen afterwards.

I ended up needing to half my dose of the medication. Unfortunately, I am lucid enough to feel intrusions and irrational fears again, but it's the price to pay for not being able to handle the larger dose.

I've also been dabbling in cannabis, specifically CBD (more on that later) to handle the panic attacks and anxiety. One of my friends who suffers from combat related PTSD was kind enough to open the door to hemp for me. He mentioned being able to relax and sleep better when using CBD so I gave it a try.

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And yes, it's been working wonders. I haven't had a panic attack in almost two weeks.

In my professional life

I'm happily working as a virtual assistant so I have a form of income to supplement this blog. That's how I manage to keep the blog running, with minimal ads. I'm considering starting a virtual assistance business to bring in more income, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to take that big of a plunge. I've done it in the past and it was a lot of work, really fast. I wasn't mentally ready for it.

For a small win, I was recently published on the well-loved mental health collaborative website, The Mighty. The post is on how the movie "It" reflected what it's like to live with schizoaffective disorder. It's been such an honor. That's definitely off the bucket list!

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The blog

I was feeling a little discouraged over August, and seriously thought about shutting this blog down. I get into pity parties for myself when I don't think I'm doing anything helpful or if I feel like a fraud. My blogging group was encouraging and pushed me to keep writing, because these feelings will pass.

And they did pass. I remembered how much I loved writing and thought about how badly I would regret deleting this blog. Who know what this blog could be a year from now, right?

Interesting things from the internet

I buy my CBD honey (I like this more than vape, oils, etc. and it feels more potent) from Colorado Hemp Honey. They also sell cannabis coffee!

I can't stop watching Brad Mondo's reaction videos. He's a professional hairdresser who reacts to people who dye and bleach their own hair at home.

When I was crying my eyes out, I discovered these Dad Joke Battles and I couldn't stop laughing.

Did you know there's a whole subreddit devoted to cats looking like liquid?

One of my favorite Facebook groups is The Anxious Lass's Anxiety Lounge <3

And the secret to happiness? Not giving a shit.

That's it for September. <3

-F